Girl Power

I had a meaningful conversation with these lovely 14 to 17 year olds a few weeks back. I was in Same, outside the HIV clinic, waiting for transport that never came. This gaggle of school girls approached me, sat down, introduced themselves, and began a memorable chat.

They had come to the outpatient clinic (not the HIV clinic) because one of them needed treatment for her acne, and all of her friends accompanied her (the importance of peers is global!). They were very interested in my work and why I was in Tanzania, how long I would stay, etc. Their English was impeccable, which told me that they had probably been educated in private schools, because English is not the language of instruction in government schools--kiswahili is. In fact, they attended a boarding school in Same, specifically for girls who want to study science. Four of the 6 girls wanted to be doctors. They were quite interested in why I didn't become a doctor instead of a nurse practitioner. I shared with them that although I love being a nurse practitioner, if I had been 10 years younger, I probably would have gone to medical school. I told them how at the time I was going to college, girls had a rough go of it just getting into medical school, and I didn't think it was possible. I told them that now more than half of medical students in the US are women--how times do change! And how lucky they were that their parents were sending them to a girls' school to study sciences. Anyway, they were quite interested in the medical work I am doing, and fascinated that I spend so much time here. 

Then came the zinger question that I was pretty sure was coming: "How do your children like it that you are in Tanzania so much of the time?" I am asked this question a lot, because it is a given here that if you are a woman, you will have children. And usually I am asked with the assumption that I do have children. They may say "How many children do you have?" or "Who takes care of your children while you are here?" When I tell them I don't have any children, they think there must be a communication barrier. They ask again, "No, I mean children--mtoto--how many?" When they finally realize that I am indeed saying "No, I don't have children." They say "Pole sana (I'm so sorry)". Sometimes, I choose to go further and tell them that it is a personal choice to not have children. That women in the US have a choice to have children or not. Other times, I just get a sad look on my face and look away, so they will drop it.

With these bright young women, however, I decided to have a conversation about it. And they were all ears. When they asked why I don't have children, I told them I made a mindful decision not to. That I have had a passion for my work my entire adult life, and I chose to put my energy into the life work I have chosen rather than raising children. Plus, I have many wonderful children in my life--nieces, nephews, friends' children. One asked "But don't you think it is natural to have children?" I said, "Of course, it is natural! I believe it is also natural for women to choose to not have children." Usually, when I share with people that I don't have children, there is a look of horror and/or sadness on their faces. These girls' faces, however, reflected wonderment and admiration. When I noticed that, I asked them, "Do all of you want to have children?" They looked at each other first, then at me. Three of them smiled and slowly shook their heads no. One of them said "I want only one!" and another said " I want many children!" What a delight to see these intelligent young women truly think about what they want in their lives, and then say it!

I consider myself very lucky to have grown up at a time in the US when women were beginning to take charge of their reproductive health and decisions. Tanzanian women are just now beginning to do this. It is so clear to me that if women can't be in charge of their reproductive and sexual lives, they really can't be truly in charge of the other realms of their lives. I have no idea what impact, if any, our conversation will have on these girls' life choices, but it sure felt hopeful to have it. 

BTW, these girls would love to have pen pals (or pen friends, as they say here). If you know of any teenage girls who would like to communicate with these delightful young women, let me know, and I can make the connection. Katie? Courtney? Finley? Claire? Maddy Fitzgerald? Maddy Barr?